The Balance
by maej26
Summary: Mike discovers his happiness comes at a price. AU.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** The Balance

**Pairing:** Mike "The Miz" Mizanin & Alex Riley  
**Rating:** T  
**Summary:** Mike discovers his happiness comes at a price. AU.

**Chapters:** 6 _(all chapters have been posted as of 5/23/2014)_

**Started:** 4/28/14  
**Finished: **5/15/14

**A/N:** So….this is different.  
I had the idea for this story back in January but I didn't think I could do it and then I did. Hope you like it.

* * *

**Chapter 1**

Tragedy struck like a lightning bolt. It was sudden, destructive and precise, like it was set on a particular course. Fortunately for Mike, it happened so early in his life, when he was no more than a week old, that he's shown no signs of distress or psychological damage because of it. He's happy and innocent like a little boy should be. And in that regard, he's been spared.

It was his mom who had passed away suddenly and because of the heartbreak it caused for his dad, Mike was left alone. It took two whole days before his grandmother found him in his crib. He was so peaceful she feared the worst. But when she focused, she could see his tiny chest rise and fall as he breathed. She was positively amazed – abandoned for two days and not a single fuss.

In the four years since that day, her amazement has never been given a reason to falter. Not just because he's her grandson and she loves him, but because there's never been a single issue. Teething was a delight. The so-called terrible two's were anything but, and even now when dropping Mike off for his very first day of preschool, he's nothing short of excited and eager for the new experience.

The hours seem to fly by and before he knows it, it's already recess. While playing outside, Mike notices one of his classmates crying and though he's seen it before, he's suddenly at the age when he wonders why such a thing never happens to him. And come to think of it, he's not even sure he understands what it means or what the word for it is. But he's sure his grandmother will. She's smart like that.

"She had water on her face, Grandma. Coming out of her eyes."

"She was crying, Mikey."

"Why did she do that?"

"She must have been sad."

Mike looks at his grandmother with great curiosity and confusion. There's _another_ word he doesn't know. "What is sad?"

"Sad is when you feel like you've been hurt."

"Like when I fall off my bike?"

"Not quite. It's more of a feeling deep inside," she answers, placing her hand on his small chest. "And sometimes when it really hurts, the only way to deal with the pain is to cry."

"She made herself do that?"

Such innocence. Mike's grandmother can't help but chuckle. "No, no honey. It's something that just happens."

Mike appears to be embarrassed, worried even.

"What is it, Mikey?"

"It never happens to me."

Mike's grandmother picks him up and spins him through the air, causing him to laugh and squeal with joy. "That's because you're a very happy boy! The happiest!" She sets him down and cups his rosy cheeks in the palms of her hands. "And you are so loved," she says with tears starting to form in her eyes. She blinks rapidly wanting to dissuade her emotions from surfacing. Wouldn't want to confuse her grandson. Wouldn't want to be asked a question she can't answer…not yet.

"I love you, too, Grandma."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

In being an only child, Mike's had to find ways of keeping himself occupied over the years. And in all that time, only once did he ever venture up to the attic. As soon as he took that first step onto the creaky floorboards he spotted a dusty, old trunk in the corner, made of mahogany. Of course, he didn't know what kind of wood it was made from and even if he did, he wouldn't have cared. What mattered was what he found on the inside.

It was a picture of him as a baby with his parents. It took him a couple seconds to realize what he was looking at, but when he did, he gently set it back inside and never stepped foot in the attic again. He just wasn't ready.

But now, after his high school graduation, he finally thinks that he is. Maybe it's in knowing he won't live at home much longer because he'll be leaving for college by summer's end. Or maybe it was just in seeing all the supportive parents up in the bleachers surrounding his grandmother – the only family he's ever known – that has sparked a need inside of him he can't ignore.

So, after he gets home from his celebratory breakfast, he changes into a pair of old jeans and a t-shirt, ready to finally face what he's hidden away for so many years.

The attic is smaller than he remembers, still very dusty though. He spots the trunk right away, still uninterested in its makeup, and opens it with a puff of dust that makes him sneeze.

The trunk is divided into two equal parts. One half is packed with old blankets that smell like mothballs. The other half is topped off with a photo album. There is where he starts. Delicately, he flips through the stiff pages covered in crinkly plastic adhesive. Every picture is of a happy time. There's not a one where he's not smiling. And in reminiscing over all the holidays and birthdays – that clump of celebration he looks forward to at the end of every year – it only makes him smile all the more.

Three full albums later and there's still no sight of the picture he's had ingrained in his memory all this time. However, he's determined and goes to pick up a fourth album, but there is none. Instead, he finds a box, one he's never seen before. And when he opens it, he finally finds the picture he's been searching for. He smiles fondly. His mother is so young, so much younger than he could have realized the first time he saw it when he himself was so young. And she's beaming with love as she forever looks down at her newborn son. His dad is beaming just as bright, though his sights are firmly fixed on another and his hand is holding hers tenderly.

It's what could have been, but never meant to be. Mike simply accepts this fact and decides to leave the picture – the past – where it'll always be safe. But as he's lowering it into the box, it accidentally slips from his hand, falling in a crevice. Forced to look further inside, he realizes it had been concealing bundles of cash, that at first glance aren't too impressive, and with them, a single sheet of paper neatly folded in half.

Mike is shocked when he flips through the money and realizes how large the denomination of each bill is and what's more peculiar is that none are dated past the year he was born. He's confused and picks up the old piece of paper that's discolored and worn thin by the passage of time, thinking there must be something else hidden underneath. But there isn't. Carefully, he unfolds the brittle page and realizes it's his birth certificate. But it's more than that – there's a handwritten notation of a second baby. A brother.

"What are you doing?"

Mike is startled; doesn't recall his grandmother ever being able to sneak up on him before.

"Michael, what are you doing?"

Mike stands to his feet and turns towards his grandmother. "I was just up here looking for a picture of Mom and Dad, and I found this." He holds up the sheet of paper in a non-threatening way. At least it seems that way to him. "What is this?"

"It's nothing. Hand it here," she says calmly, holding out her hand and taking a step closer.

Mike steps back slightly, furrows his brow skeptically. "Were you ever going to tell me I have a brother?"

The woman is cautious, hesitant. "You weren't supposed to find out this way. I wanted to tell you when I thought you were ready."

"Ready for what? Can I not be trusted?"

"I trust you. It's not that. It's just-"

"I'm almost 19 years old and I'm only now finding out I have a twin?"

"He's not your twin."

Mike looks down to the piece of paper again to see if he read it wrong or if there's additional information he missed and before he sees it for himself, his grandmother snatches it from his grip nearly ripping it in half.

"Tell me what's going on! Tell me why you kept my brother a secret from me!"

"He's not your brother! He's your Balance."

"My what?"

The woman purses her lips, hardly believing her indiscretion. "It's complicated."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Michael," she says, shaking her head. Her disappointment in the situation is apparent, but she knows it's time to come clean. "Your mother was part of a…_study_."

Right away Mike is annoyed. "Don't do that," he says, rolling his eyes out of frustration. "Just tell me."

"She participated in a highly classified biological and social experiment. A group of scientists discovered a rare gene in our DNA, that when tapped into has the power to not only connect people through their basic emotions, but also control those emotions."

Mike scoffs, hardly believing such an obvious fabrication.

"You said you wanted to know. That you can handle it."

Mike is serious again because he can tell that his grandmother isn't playing around and because of that realization, he remains quiet while she explains.

"The_ Primary_ feels genuine emotion and is linked to the _Balance_ who is genetically manipulated to feel the opposite. Where one is happy, the other is as equally sad. It was thought if they could link complete strangers to one another, theoretically it could spark a level of compassion that had never been known before. The eventual goal was world peace. More like illusions of grandeur."

"How do you know all this?"

"Because, Mike, I headed up the research team that made the discovery."

"You're a scientist? I don't understand. Why would you ever let Mom be part of something like this?"

"I had never met your mother before we recruited her."

"Grandma?" Mike says, his worry denoted by an audible tremble in his voice.

"Our trials had been unsuccessful for years before we finally discovered what was missing. High levels of dopamine were required for the Primary to be activated. Not just high, but sustained, and your mother had the highest amount out of all the Primaries. She was so beautiful. Always naturally happy."

"Like me," Mike whispers.

"A couple months into the study, she got pregnant. She had fallen madly in love with the doctor who checked vitals. They probably thought no one noticed, but the way they'd look at each other when he'd take her pulse…It was clear what was going on and it was confirmed when we found out she was carrying _you_. In light of the discovery, there was a debate on whether or not we could, or should, attempt to activate the Primary in you before you were born. I tried to fight the others on it. I told them we hadn't yet figured out a way to reverse the effects if we needed to, and that we already got way too ahead of ourselves; that more research was required if something went wrong and we needed to break the link, but when we found out another one of our females had also become pregnant, they were convinced it was our only chance to test the procedure out from birth, especially since you were predisposed to have the same hormone anomaly as your mother. We never asked for their consent and we never told them what we had done to the babies growing inside of them."

Mike's grandmother pauses. That took a lot out of her. And although the next part is something she thinks about every day – something she lives with every day – she's never said it out loud before. Even attempting to proves quite difficult.

"Shortly after you were born, something happened. Something tragic that not even I had ever anticipated. Your mother's Balance became clinically depressed and the drugs we gave him just weren't enough. They weren't taking effect and he ended up taking his own life. We hadn't realized just how powerful the bond we created was, and because of our failure to recognize that, we lost your mother. They had become intrinsically linked."

"If what you're saying is true…If her Balance was that depressed, wouldn't that mean my mom was as equally happy?"

"Over the moon."

Mike is quiet for a few long seconds as he connects the dots. "Oh," he breathes, his face dropping. "I'm the reason why she was so happy."

Feeling ashamed of the role she played in his mother's death, Mike's grandmother bows her head. It's the one thing she hoped she'd never have to tell him.

Mike takes a deep breath. "How did you come to raise me?"

"Your father, the poor boy, was heartbroken. He tried the best he could those first couple of months, but it was too much for him to handle. The guilt. The loss. It weighed on him terribly. He exposed the project and left town. I didn't find you until a couple days later and when I did, I knew I had a responsibility to you. And that I had to be in your life to explain it to you one day. The whole thing was swept under the rug. Every document, every shred of evidence was destroyed. Everything but this piece of paper."

"My Balance."

The woman shakes her head. "He was born about six months after you were and that's when the link was fully activated. He lives across the country."

"You've been keeping tabs on him?"

"I only know who he is and where he lives."

"Why?"

"Because I was not about to let what happened to your mother happen to you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Mike, you are always so happy. I don't think you've ever shed a single tear-"

"Oh, God," Mike says, lost in his own thoughts about how sad his Balance must be.

"If it came down to it, I wouldn't hesitate to sedate him."

"Is this the pain he's felt his entire life?" And suddenly for the first time in Mike's life, his eyes become watery and a solitary tear rolls down his cheek. After a moment, the words his grandmother was saying seem to filter in. "What? Sedate him?"

"Yes. If I ever have to. And the drugs needed to penetrate the wall we created would be unbelievably expensive."

"The money," Mike interrupts, looking up to the woman who raised him. "That's what this money's for?"

"It was your mother's compensation, but I've saved it for a rainy day if need be."

"It's raining today. It's fucking pouring."

She's caught off guard by Mike's anger, though she knows she shouldn't be.

"Tell me his name," Mike demands. "I'm going to find him and explain it to him."

"You're kidding yourself if you think he won't resent you. And that's if he even believes you."

"It doesn't matter. I have to try. And apologize. And at the very least thank him for hanging on this long."

"Mike, you can't just-"

"I don't care. I owe it to him. And I owe it to me. Just tell me his name and where he is."

After a moment, his grandmother complies. "Alex. His name is Alex."

Mike breathes a heavy sigh of relief because he knows his grandmother will cooperate in giving him all the information he needs.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Mike's never driven past the limits of his own city before and suddenly he's on a three day road trip. On his own for the first time in his life – three months ahead of schedule.

When he finally arrives in the small town where Alex lives, his first stop is at the guy's apartment. He's not home but a neighbor is kind enough to tell Mike where he works. It's a local dessert shop called _Emily's_ and she's sure he must be there. In the few conversations she's tried to hold with him, she's never known him to be doing anything else with his life.

It doesn't take Mike too much time to find the place and when he does, he parks outside of the shop and just sits there, looking towards the large windows of the quaint storefront. He rarely gets nervous, but he is. No use in procrastinating though. He told his grandmother he'd be back in less than two weeks, so he has to get a move on.

He opens the glass door, his presence announced with a jingle of an attached bell and he's relieved when he notices he's the only one there. There are no customers. No one at the counter, no one sitting in the row of tables lining the wall to his left. Another minute in which to quell his rattling nerves. He tries to look normal, like he's supposed to be there, and act as if he wants to buy a pastry.

"Can I help you?"

A man's voice. That's a good sign. Mike looks up and connects with perhaps the saddest eyes he's ever seen. "Um," he stutters.

"Do you need more time?"

"I, uh…Are you Alex?" Mike instantly feels a wave of heat rush over him because the guy is clearly wearing a name tag that says _Alex_.

Alex nods.

"I've been looking for you."

Alex crinkles his brow. "You have?"

"Yes, I have to tell you something," Mike says rather dramatically, stepping closer to the display case, but as he stares into those sad eyes, hopeless and waiting, he realizes his grandmother was right. Alex isn't going to believe him. Who in their right mind would? He, himself, barely believed the outlandish tale. And now that he's really thinking about it, it might even be worse if he did believe him. "I mean…I have to…_ask_ you something."

"Okay."

"Do you, I mean…" Mike runs his hand through his hair, trying to come up with something to say and then he notices a _Help Wanted_ sign taped to the inside of the door. The bright sun is shining straight through it contrasting the black text with the white paper so intensely it's as if the letters were intended to be backwards. "Are there any job openings?"

"Oh, actually we are a bit short-handed."

"Better than being long-footed!" Mike laughs out loud, at first because his body was in desperate need of the release and then he laughs because Alex isn't laughing and he doesn't know how else to handle the awkward situation he's just created.

Alex becomes a bit sadder than he had been and just stares at Mike, like he's trying to figure out where such an odd creature came from. But then he tells him to wait a second while he grabs an application.

Mike wants to slap himself for making such a lousy first impression and on top of that, he thinks he might have accidentally gotten a job in a town he was only supposed to be in for two, maybe three days top. And now he'll have to find a place to stay, and buy clothes and food, and actually live there! He thinks of just running back to his car and driving away before Alex has a chance to notice. But if he wants to tell the guy something he just drove halfway across the country to say, then maybe staying in town isn't such a bad idea after all. If he befriends him and gains his trust, then he can tell him and they can figure something out. Yes. This could work.

Alex hands Mike the application and Mike sits at one of the tables and fills it out. His hand is a bit shaky at first because he can feel Alex watching him, but he's able to power through. When he's finished, he takes it back up to the counter and pushes it towards Alex and for some reason he can't stop himself from being so weird. Instead of letting go and pulling his hand back like any normal human being would – like he would do any other day of the week, in any other situation – he doesn't move his hand. Feels like it's been glued down. Because of this, when Alex goes to collect the piece of paper, his hand lands on top of Mike's.

Mike looks up and freezes. Now his whole body seems to be stuck.

"Are you done with this?"

"Yep," Mike sputters, finally letting go. He starts to walk away as if he's in some sort of trance and then he snaps back around. "What are my chances?"

"To be honest, we really are in need of someone to man the counter, so if you can get a handle on this talking thing, I don't see why you can't start tomorrow."

"Absolutely. I'll practice all night," Mike says, unable to censor his ridiculous responses.

"All right then…" Alex looks down to the application. "Mike," he says, enunciating the name as if he's pronouncing it for the first time…as if he's annoyed. "I'll run it by the boss and give you a call tonight to confirm and let you know what time to be here in the morning."

Mike grins and leaves feeling relieved that it worked out and then he hears the last thing he said to Alex and can't help mumbling it out loud as he's walking to his car. "I'll practice all night? What is wrong with me?" But he doesn't have too much time to dwell on it because now he has to figure out where he's going to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

The jitters have long since passed. He had felt nervous because of what he had to tell Alex, but after putting it on the backburner, Mike's been able to relax and in doing so he can feel the connection they have and more than that, he can see it. Anyone could if they actually took the time to look. It's apparent every time he exchanges pleasantries with a customer, every time he tries one of Alex's creations. Every time he smiles. All he has to do is look over to Alex and watch as his face falls; watch as his demeanor shifts just a little more to the opposite side of their shared spectrum. It's no wonder the guy prefers to work in the kitchen rather than at the counter.

But that's not to say there isn't ever a break.

Every day around the same time, even on weekends, everything slows down and this is when Mike grabs a bite to eat at the deli next door. He chooses a new sandwich from the menu each time and afterwards he brings his lunch back to _Emily's_ and sits in the same spot hoping that Alex will come join him. But Alex never does. On three separate occasions he even declines Mike's offer to bring him back a sandwich of his own.

It's been almost a month since he started working there and with his time dwindling with each passing day, Mike becomes more determined to befriend Alex the way he had initially planned. He knows he has to make a better effort. He has to take charge. So, instead of going next door for a sandwich and eating it alone, he decides to take another approach.

With purpose, he walks back into the kitchen, sees Alex rolling out a slab of dough, the way he always does at lunchtime, and the guy doesn't even acknowledge him until Mike grabs his hand.

"What are you doing?"

"Come with me."

"I'm trying to work."

"That can wait." And with a firm tug, he finally gets Alex to follow him over to two cupcakes sitting on a table. He turns to Alex with the sweetest smile.

"You can't just take those," Alex says, unamused by the gesture.

"With all the work you do around here, I think you've earned it. Now sit down and take a break. You must be so tired from standing all day."

Alex shrugs. "You get used to it."

Just to make sure Alex doesn't attempt to escape, Mike waits for the guy to sit down and then also takes a seat. Hardly able to deny his craving, he eagerly unwraps his cupcake and takes a bite. The complexity of flavors hit his taste buds and his eyes light up. There's no mistaking how good he thinks it is. "This one's my favorite out of everything you make. I have one after lunch every day."

"You have icing on your nose."

Though Mike knows Alex isn't judging him, he can't help but giggle self-consciously as he wipes off the tip of his nose with his napkin. "What can I say? You make one hell of a cupcake."

"It's Emily's recipe."

"Well, you're the one who bakes them and that goes a long way. I, myself, have never been any good in the kitchen. Even with recipes." Mike chuckles and finishes the last of his tasty treat and sits quietly wishing Alex would eat his because he has a feeling he never does. "So, how are you?"

"I'm here."

With Mike's positive outlook, all he can think is how an answer like the one he's just received is more encouraging than stating the obvious, so he hops right through the window. "You've been here long?"

"About three years."

"Oh," Mike says, clearly surprised. "Year round or just during summers? Because I've never had a job during the school year before. My grandma always wanted to make sure I focused on my classes. Though I'm fairly certain I could've handled both."

Alex fiddles with the pleated cupcake wrapper. "I dropped out."

Another surprise answer. "In 10th grade?" When Alex nods, Mike thinks back to his sophomore year, trying to figure out what had happened in his life that could possibly correlate to Alex hitting such a low and he realizes what it must have been. It was an award he won for a paper he wrote. There was a special dinner in his honor. A reporter from the local news even interviewed him about it. He felt like a movie star that whole week.

"And then my parents kicked me out and it got pretty rough. I think I must've blocked out a whole week of my life. But somehow Emily found me and offered me a job. I don't think I'd have anything if it wasn't for her."

As Mike starts to become sad, Alex starts to emerge from the fog he's always trapped in, and suddenly he takes an interest in the guy sitting across from him. "So, what about you? Are you running away from something?"

"What do you mean?"

"When I called you, to let you know you got the job, I noticed your area code is a thousand miles away. Not to mention, you've been living in a hotel."

"How do you know that?"

"We take the same route home."

"Oh," Mike says with a laugh. It's just that he never really thought Alex had actually ever noticed him at all and he can't help but feel like this is progress.

Unfortunately, with the pivot in Mike's emotions, Alex is knocked down a notch and decides to get up. "Never mind. I have to get back to work. The dough shouldn't be sitting out much longer."

"But you didn't eat your cupcake yet."

"You can have it," Alex says, handing it over to Mike and when Mike feels Alex pull his hand away, he can't help but try one more thing. The only thing they could possibly bond over.

"Maybe I could help. Show me a thing or two? In case one day you can't make it in or something."

"That's probably a good idea."

Mike can't help but smile. Finally, he's found a way in.

The first lesson is barely a lesson at all, seeing as how Alex had already made the dough. So, Mike stays late that night and Alex goes through the whole process with him. And then he shows him where he keeps all of Emily's recipes and swears him to secrecy.

"Maybe Emily should be here to witness this," Mike suggests, upbeat as usual.

"She doesn't make it in very often. Not since she got sick."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I had no idea."

"That's why I've been doing everything I can to keep this place running smoothly. So, when she comes back it'll be like she never left. But she doesn't think she will. And she has it in her head that she's gonna leave it all to me. But I don't know. This is a lot of responsibility for a high school dropout."

"Hey, don't say that. You're doing amazing. And don't forget, I'm right here." Mike instinctively reaches out and squeezes Alex's shoulder. Wishes that could be enough to reassure him.

Before leaving for the night, Mike gets the last cupcake from the display case. Usually, in the lucky instance of leftovers, he'll take the remaining ones back to the hotel with him. They're still so good, even when no longer fresh. But since Alex never ate his during their lunch break, he decides it's only fair to give it to him instead. "Here. It's for dessert tonight," he offers generously. "And don't worry, I'll pay for it," he says with a wink. "Try to enjoy what you've made."

Alex takes the cupcake from Mike, their hands once again connecting, and as Mike turns away, he feels something inside of him shift. What is this feeling? So foreign. A deeper level of sadness. A new kind of pain. The strange ache intensifies the entire drive to the hotel and when he gets to his room all he can do is curl up in his bed. The only thing he can equate it to is the onset of a stomach virus and hopefully it'll be out of his system by the time he has to go to work the next morning.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Becoming friends with Alex is no longer part of a hidden agenda for Mike. In fact, in the three weeks since his initial baking lesson, he hardly thinks about why he originally came to town at all. Well, not during the day anyway. It's at night when he remembers why he's really there and what he needs to say and it just about eats him alive. The guilt of lying to the guy brings about a nightly attack. A sickness with no symptoms. It's now routine for him to call his grandmother in the middle of the night because of it, but he never knows what to say. He wants to confide in her, but with the revelation of her deception, it's hard.

With the nights being as bad as they are, he doesn't understand how a pain so possessive, so crushing, could be lifted with such ease, like he had imagined it. The second he walks through the door and into work each morning, an incomparable high snatches him from the ground. Are legs even needed? He knows he can't blame it on a sugar rush. He's not due for a cupcake until lunch. But whatever the reason, he's just grateful he can smile again because at the end of the day he knows he'll feel more guilty than he did the night before. Not only is he lying on a daily basis, but he can't help how happy he always is and he knows what that means for Alex.

Despite all the trouble he's caused for himself, he's not yet ready to go. And with college still a month down the road, there's still time. Plus, his baking lessons after work seem to make it all worth it. As it turns out, Alex isn't as shy as he first let on. One evening he explained it all to Mike as they were waiting for a pie to finish baking. He told him how his parents had done everything they could to get him help as a kid but his depression never lessened, not even with medication and therapy. This made making and keeping friends difficult. It made concentrating and being motivated nearly impossible, and when his parents kicked him out of the house, it destroyed his capacity and willingness to trust anyone. He became guarded and detached after that betrayal – that abandonment. Even Emily didn't know his whole story until months down the line when he finally felt comfortable enough to tell her.

That was the moment Mike realized Alex had begun to trust him; the moment they had become friends.

All that night, he couldn't sleep. He couldn't help but think of how he's dealt with his grandmother's betrayal. He couldn't help but feel like a hypocrite. What's the point of getting Alex to trust him if he's only going to turn around and break that trust in half by admitting his own deceit?

He ended up calling his grandmother, just like he had been doing for weeks, but this time they actually talked. He could relate to her and her motivations for keeping quiet all those years. He told her about his own guilt and when she suggested that he come home and spend the rest of the summer with her, he felt his chest tighten. "I can't," he said, his voice shaky. "I can't do to him what his parents did."

"What about college?"

"I don't know."

Since that conversation, Mike has stopped calling his grandmother and refuses to pick up when she tries to reach him. It's been a few weeks now and if he doesn't leave in a couple days, he'll miss orientation. But Alex promised to teach him how to make his favorite cupcakes after work and that's one lesson he'd never miss. Not for anything.

At the end of the day, Mike can't flip the closed sign over fast enough. He's even a bit winded by the time he gets back to the kitchen.

"Someone's excited."

"What makes you say that?" Mike giggles and nudges Alex's shoulder playfully. "C'mon, what are we waitin' for?"

Mike is extremely friendly the entire time he and Alex are preparing the batter and filling the tins. And the fact that he's in such a good mood, even more so than usual, seems to give him additional confidence and makes him think this could finally be the right time to tell his friend the truth. So, while they still have a couple minutes before the cupcakes need to be taken out of the oven, he takes a chance. "Bud?"

"Yeah."

"There's something I've been meaning to talk to you about."

Alex looks over to Mike. "Is this about college?"

"What?"

"Just because I'm not going doesn't mean I don't know it's about to start. And you would definitely be the type to go."

"Oh," Mike says with a charming smirk.

"So, you're going then?"

"I'm supposed to."

"Supposed to?"

Mike hesitates for a second and then says something unexpected, even to himself. "I might take a year off."

"Good. I mean, I know Emily will really appreciate it."

"Just Emily?"

"And the customers, too. Since you got here, people come back more often. You really seem to draw them in."

Mike rolls his eyes, trying not to be so flattered. "People come in for the cakes and the pastries and cookies that _you_ make."

Alex shakes his head in disagreement.

"And what about _you?_ Would you like it if I kept working here?"

The two share a look and just as Alex is about to respond, the timer goes off. "I better get those," he says.

Mike releases a heavy sigh as Alex walks away from the counter. He searches within himself trying to find an answer for his question that would have satisfied him, but he's not sure what he was actually looking for.

After the strange exchange, Mike is uncharacteristically quiet and together, he and Alex frost the cupcakes in silence. During this time Mike wonders if he's making the right decision. After all, it's rather rash and not like him at all. Although, the same could have been said about his capricious decision to move across the country. In a matter of a couple days, his whole life could be set on a new path, or maybe it already has been. He's not sure.

After zoning out for a few minutes, Mike suddenly sees his favorite cupcake sitting in front of him, waiting for him, ready to eat. He's been waiting all day for one. In anticipation, he even skipped his usual lunchtime dessert just to make this moment all the more special. In wasting no more time, he takes a big bite and gets icing on his nose, the way he always does, and turns to Alex with a silly grin. "Try it," he urges, mouth full, hardly able to contain his giddiness.

Alex looks to Mike still very much puzzled by the enthusiasm he has over a piece of food, but that's not to say he doesn't wish he could also be that carefree. He takes a big bite in hopes of being magically transformed, but it doesn't work. The only thing that's different now is that he, too, has sugary pink frosting all over his nose. "See this? It's no wonder why I don't eat these. Now I just look ridiculous," he says, quickly wiping off his nose.

Mike can't stop giggling, but then Alex moves a step closer to him and starts to wipe his nose off, too. Mike's smile slowly fades, though he doesn't feel sad, not in the slightest. He swallows, feels his cheeks starting to heat up, like a fire's been lit in front of him. "Ridiculous isn't the word that comes to mind."

Alex's chin quivers enough for Mike to notice, his eyes tearing up as he focuses on Mike's lips and Mike knows it's completely involuntary on Alex's part; just a direct result of his own happiness. But then Alex does something that has nothing to do with his role as a Balance and it makes Mike's heart race. Slowly, Alex swipes his thumb across Mike's lips, primarily the bottom one, wiping the remnants of icing away. "What word does?" he asks as his sad gaze connects with Mike's.

Instead of saying the word, Mike expresses his feelings with a kiss. It's sudden, impulsive and certainly unplanned. This misidentified feeling that's been building up inside of him for weeks has finally exposed itself and in the most unmistakable way. With this realization, he pulls back and turns away from Alex - stunned and deeply saddened by what he's just done. "I'm sorry. I have to go," he says and can't bring himself to look back.

**xxxx**

When Mike enters the hotel, he hears a familiar voice call out to him and turns to face the woman. "Grandma! What are you doing here?"

"Mikey, what's wrong? Have you been crying again?"

Mike rubs his puffy eyes as she rushes towards him. He shakes his head and she knows he can't speak. Not yet. Not there.

When they get up to his room, he's still not ready to speak and his grandmother gives him all the time he needs to pull himself together until finally she can't seem to wait any longer. After all, she didn't just fly halfway across the country for nothing. "This has gotten completely out of hand, Michael."

Mike scowls. Angry that she showed up without at least sending a text first, and angry with himself for what he had done earlier. "What are you doing here?"

"I've come to take you home. You're going to college like we always planned."

With that, Mike can feel his whole body deflate. "You're right," he says numbly, head to the floor.

His grandmother is confused and frightened. The look on Mike's face is nothing like she's ever seen before. And she certainly didn't expect him to fold after her first attempt; figured she'd have to drag him to the car. "Something happened," she says perceptively. "What happened?"

Mike looks up to his grandmother but only for a second. He starts to tear up again and can't bear for her to look at him so he turns his cheek to her.

"Mikey…"

"I kissed him," Mike confesses, raising his hand to his face in order to block her view of him. He presses his palm to his eye and then he can't help but clutch his stomach as he starts to bawl uncontrollably. "What is this Grandma?" he asks helplessly.

She covers her mouth; such a gut-wrenching sight.

"Why does it hurt so much?"

Finally, all those distressing phone calls she had been receiving make sense. "I think you know why."

"I tried so hard to pretend like this wasn't happening. I kept telling myself this pain was guilt because deep down I knew if it was anything other than that, I could no longer be so selfish. And for just a little while longer, that's what I wanted." Mike's forced to pause as he takes a few deep breaths. The silence combined with his heightened state of awareness provides him no barrier; nothing to block truth from flooding into him. "In that moment, instead of thinking about how sad I was making him, all I could think about was how beautiful he looked." Inwardly, he relives the kiss and nothing has ever felt more perfect. "He makes me so happy," he sobs. "And when I'm happy…" Mike's tears fall freely, steadily streaming down his cheeks. "I know I have to leave. I fear I'll be sad for the rest of my life."

"I was in love like this once. It never leaves you."

Mike nods. "Good," he says. "Then he can be happy and he can meet someone and have the family he's always wanted. And maybe once in a while he'll think of the happy-go-lucky kid who was just passing through during his last sad summer. This is what I could give him. And no matter how bad it gets for me, I would never do anything to put him in harm's way. Knowing what I know and feeling what I feel for him will always keep him safe." Mike is quiet for a few long seconds, taking in the whole of his decision and he knows this is what must be done. "I'm gonna go tell him I'm leaving and then we can go home."

"Oh, Mikey," the woman says compassionately, cupping her grandson's face in her hands the way she so often did when he was a boy. "I'm so sorry."

Even through his tears, Mike's eyes still seem to shine. "I'm not."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

This closeness.

Standing in front of Alex again is all it takes to bring Mike out of the pits of hell and back into the land of the living. Of the loving. It's the same feeling he'd experience when he'd walk into work each morning and for the first time he can appreciate it for what it actually is. He allows himself a moment to take it in. To enjoy it. To remember it. Not that it'll matter. The memory will never cheer him up. It'll only serve as a reminder of what he'll always be missing. But that's exactly what he needs. He looks up at Alex, feels himself being drawn into him. Wanting to kiss him again. Wanting to wrap his arms around him and never let go. But he can't do that, and now this closeness only serves one purpose. A courtesy of closure - for Alex. Not for the kiss, but for their friendship and for the time they've spent together. "I'm sorry to drop by unannounced like this," he says, sadly.

"I didn't know you knew where I lived."

"I…" Mike hesitates. Never has he seen Alex happy before. That smile teases him. It mocks him. It shows him what he's walking away from, and what he'd be stealing if he decided not to. "When I got back to the hotel tonight, my grandma was waiting for me."

"She came to visit? You'll have to bring her into the store tomorrow. She could try the cupcakes we made."

"No, Alex. She wants me to go back with her. I'm leaving tonight. But before I go, I just wanted to tell you how much fun I had this summer-" Mike starts to tear up again, even despite the fact that he sat in his car for a good ten minutes making himself promise that he wouldn't cry in front of the guy. "And how much I enjoyed our baking lessons." He throws his arms around Alex and for one last time, maybe just to make it easier for him to do what he needs to do next, he lets himself go. "I'm gonna miss you," he whispers.

A tight squeeze and then he turns for the door, hoping to leave before his last hit of happiness wears off. But suddenly, it's as if he can't move – his feet stuck where he stands. Alex had called out to him. That is what happened, isn't it? A spark of hope is ignited and even though he knows it's not true, it makes Mike happy, so happy.

"Did you hear me?"

Mike turns around and looks to the guy, those sad eyes greeting him once again. "You don't love me," he says and his denial makes his words taste stale, his mouth chalky. As much as he wants to, he can't let himself believe something he knows isn't true.

"Yes, I do," Alex says, his own smile returning. "I've never been this sure about anything." He walks over to Mike and holds his face in the palms of his hands. "Stay with me."

Mike's chin starts to tremble violently. "I can't," he manages, barely.

"Then take me with you."

"No. You're meant to be at _Emily's_."

"I'm meant to be _here_. With you."

This isn't how it was supposed to happen and Mike can hardly stand it. He feels like he's being pulled apart from the inside and grabs onto Alex's shoulder to stabilize himself, to help keep himself from falling to his knees. But that still doesn't help, not entirely. His body feels heavy, like the ground is pulling him down, or like he's being pushed down forcibly.

Alex lets out a burst of laughter which causes Mike to look up at him. He's devastated that Alex could laugh at him at a time like this. But the sound of it, it's something he's been waiting to hear for so long. And that smile. He marvels at that gorgeous grin and those dimples. This is what heaven must look like and when he can't stop himself from laughing out of pure wonder, Alex quickly plummets and Mike instantly knows he was never laughing at him. He was the reason for the outburst. He caused it. _Again_. And once again, he couldn't enjoy it without sending Alex back into an equally opposing state of despair. Once more, Mike becomes riddled with sadness and Alex pops back up. But this time, the guy notices the pattern. It couldn't be more obvious. And on top of that, he realizes his feelings are disjointed. They don't match with how he knows he should feel.

"What's happening, Mike?"

"Alex," Mike whimpers. "There's something I have to tell you." He takes a beat to dry his eyes and catch his breath. Tries to calm himself. "I wasn't looking for a job the first time we met. I was looking for _you_. To tell you something you would never believe."

"Tell me now."

"I'm the reason you've always been so unhappy."

"How? We didn't even know each other until a few months ago."

Mike explains it to Alex the best he can and Alex listens intently. Then it's Mike's turn to wait for Alex to process everything. He's worried about how he'll react, but then all the guy does is nod, like he understands. Like he actually believes him. "So, you see? You can't be in love with me because all I've ever done is make you sad."

"I'm not always sad," Alex reveals. "A few days before you got here, I was happy. It was the first time I could remember feeling that way. I thought God had finally answered my prayers and delivered me from this constant pain. It felt so good to think I could be like everyone else. But then it wore off."

Mike closes his eyes. "That was the day I found out about you, and what it meant for you when I was happy."

Alex tilts his head, wanting Mike to look at him. "Do you remember when I taught you how to make the dough for those raspberry danishes?"

Mike opens his eyes, connecting with Alex. "It was the first lesson," he chuckles fondly.

"You gave me a cupcake afterwards and that whole night I couldn't sleep. Because I was happy again. And I was afraid if I fell asleep, I'd lose it, like I did the first time. But it didn't matter that I stayed up all night because by the next morning it was gone."

"That was _my_ fault," Mike says, almost to himself. And then he sees a flash of that picture he had found when he was younger, the one he had an overwhelming need to find again; the one that led him to this place and he can't help the way his face falls. "It's _all_ my fault."

"But every night since then, instead of falling asleep, it's like I wake up. I'm happy. And in those hours before I would finally drift off, even though you weren't with me, I could see you. You were so patient with me, and thoughtful and caring. And you never stopped trying to make me laugh."

"It never worked."

"It did. Those jokes you'd tell, all those silly things that make you who you are, it's like you'd give them to me, wrapped in cellophane, so I could open and enjoy later. Just like the cupcake you gave me that night. And I did unwrap them. And I would laugh. Sometimes until my stomach hurt." Alex steps closer to Mike as a soft smile appears and holds his face in the palm of his hand. "What could have made you so sad?"

Mike catches his breath. The look in Alex's eyes tells him he already knows the answer.

"I don't love you because I felt indebted to you for being nice to me. I love you because you allowed me to. Every night I fell in love with you and every day you gave me all the more reason to."

"But don't you see? That's why I have to go. I want you to have the life you've always wanted and you can't do that if I'm here, because staying with you will only ever make me happy."

"If you're trying to tell me that being with you would only make me sad, then, well, I'd rather be miserable with you than happy with anyone else," Alex says, reaching out again and caressing Mike's cheek with his thumb.

Mike melts into Alex's warm touch and whimpers the guy's name, as if he's calling to him, begging him, and his plea is answered. The two come together in a passionate kiss and Mike can't help but feel overjoyed, and he can't help but feel complete anguish because of it. His system oscillates between the battling emotions so rapidly, that, for the first time in their lives, he and Alex feel the exact same thing at the exact same time. They hold each other tight, as if they're being hurled through the cosmos, kissing through the tears of joy and the tears of pain as the compound that ties them together vibrates with such intensity it overwhelms its chemical properties – the link being shattered, their DNA held hostage no more. There is but only one bond that remains, the bond they created during their baking lessons.

Terrified of what will happen next, the two continue to hold each other, completely oblivious to the change that's occurred inside.

After a long moment, Alex takes Mike's face in his hands and looks into his watery eyes. "I'm so grateful to have met you. Even if this was the only way."

"Grateful doesn't begin to cover it," Mike breathes.

Alex is sure to take his time before he speaks again. Wants to remember the moment in minute detail. But it can't last forever and he knows it. "I brought home some cupcakes if you want to have one more before you go."

"Yeah, I would."

Alex fetches a cupcake and hands it to Mike.

Mike stares at it sadly and for the last time he peels the wrapper back and takes a big bite. As he savors the taste, he looks up to find Alex smiling, clearly enjoying the fact that he's wearing icing on the tip of his nose. Mike wipes the excess icing away, feels his cheeks turning just as pink and without thinking, he playfully thrusts his cupcake into Alex's face, leaving a dollop of the sugary topping on _his_ nose. Mike erupts and Alex instantly wipes his nose off and smears the excess over Mike's lips, a laugh of his own blending with Mike's in perfect harmony.

With all the teasing, they hadn't even noticed the change, but when they do, their laughter and echoes of their laughter fill the air.

* * *

_Thank you for reading :)_


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